Sugar and cars and Misao don’t mix…
by J.L. Zielesch
Summary: Kaoru made the worst mistake...taking Misao to a coffee house and buying her coffee loaded with sugar. AU! Completed until further notice.
1. Sugar and cars and Misao don't mix

Disclaimer: Let me say this clearly…I don't own it.

Nanakiyoda: Let's try this again.

Tealraptor: Again? Isn't this your first one?

Nanakiyoda: Yes but the frickin' stupid power went out while I was typing and…did you even read my profile?

Tealraptor: Uh…

Nanakiyoda: Why doesn't that surprise me?

BTW: Set in modern day Japan in the middle of the day

I was feeling sorry for myself. In an effort to cheer my best friend after her crush had called her a little kid, I took her to a coffee house and bought her about nine cups of coffee, I noticed she loaded them with sugar. After she came back out from the bathroom, I noticed her eyes were red and knew she had been crying. _I have to cheer her up._

"Misao, hey, let's go to Kenshin's house. We're gonna play poker with him and Sanosuke." I suggested to her and lead her out to her car. As she got in the drivers seat I saw her smile a little. _Good…I was starting to worry…_

"Hey Kaoru, It's strip poker we'll be playing right?" She said and grinned at me._ WHAT?!! That's not good! She never smiles when it comes to strip poker._

"NO! I'd never and Kenshin wouldn't either." I replied quickly as she started up her car. Misao started to pep up as she turned to me and smiled evilly. _Not good at all…by why is she starting to act like this?_

"Oh? Well I'm sure he wouldn't mind if it were just you two and no cards or people around." She laughed. I blushed deeply as she backed out of the parking place.

"Misao, I would never…I mean we like each other but…not like that." I said when we stopped at a red light. She didn't respond. She was grinning madly and was looking at the back road ahead of us. The light turned green and Misao slammed on the gas, propelling us from 0-60. I grabbed the JC bars quickly. (A/N: Heather and Ash know about this). _What in the hell is Misao up to?_ Before I could ask her, we had jumped to 80 and were dodging cars. Misao cranked up the stereo. Brackish by Kitty started to play.

"Hang on Kaoru! Were going to be in for a rough ride!" Misao yelled over the music and my bottom lip started trembling as we sped down the road. That was until I saw a curve in the road come up. I started whimpering for Misao to slow but the music prevented her from hearing me. We came up on it.

"MISAO!!!!!!!" I managed to yell out as she tapped the brake causing us to drift around the curb at 90 mph. We made it but not before I made a face print on the window. She kept the pedal to the floor as we raced up the street, cleared of cars for my sake. _SHIT! WHAT IN THE HELL IS SHE TRYING TO DO?!!_

"This is fun!!!" She yelled and turned to look at her, then gulped. Her eyes were bulging out of her head and her grin ran for miles. She was a mad woman behind the wheel of a fast car and was trying to kill us both! _Kami, if you can hear me, help._ Too late as I stared to whimper at the sight of death down the road. The hill looked ahead of us and Misao wasn't stopping.

"MISAO!!!!!!!" I yelled out once again, grip tightening on the JC bar and bracing myself to be launched. _Kami, If I make it out of this alive I'll go to church everyday and pray and…_

"WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" Misao shouted and we went airborne. I was screaming as my grip tightened even more on the JC bar. _I'm gonna die!!!!!!!! _Trees and road became one big blur. WHABAM! We hit the road finally after what seemed like an eternity but was probably seconds and screeched on, flying at 95 mph. I noticed my hands were free and looked down slowly as I whimpered knowing fully well that I was still holding onto the now broken JC bars. I look back up and dropped the JC bar immediately and gripped onto my seat seeing Kenshin's driveway move closer as we sped towards it with no slowing down. _Not only I gonna die but Kenshin's house will be totaled and anyone in it massacred!!! _Looking over to Misao I noticed she was grinning at me.

"MISAO!!!!!!!"I finally managed to choke out as she slammed on the brakes and turned the wheel laughing madly causing us to spin a 180. Before I could say anything else, she had the car in reverse at 45 mph. _I'm gonna die backwards!!!!_ Fearing the end, I closed my eyes tightly and held a death grip on the seat. She slammed on the gas, stopping the car. I unsnapped my seat beat and bolted out of the car towards Kenshin's arms, burying my head into his chest, whimpering.

"ORO?! Miss Kaoru? Daijobu?" I heard him say. I removed my head and looked back at Misao who was still smiling insanely. I turned back to him.

"Sugar and cars and Misao don't mix…" Was all I could whimper out before I passed out.

OWARI!!!

Tealraptor: Are you okay? Why are you shaking in the corner?

Nanakiyoda: I actually experienced something like this…

Tealraptor: Really? Hm.

Nanakiyoda: WHAT?! NO COMFORT OR PITY!!!!

Tealraptor: Uh…Banzai chibbi chan churoo?

Nanakiyoda: Figures…what a simple-minded idiot.

BTW: JC bars are those bars that are above the doors of a car.

REVIEW OR DIE (Kinda like Read or Die isn't it?) JK!

BTW: Inspired to do this when watching FLCL and listening to Brackish by Kitty, Sugar by System of a Down and Bring on the Pain by Mindless Self Indulgence.


	2. Sake and karaoke and Kaoru don't mix

Disclaimer: !ti nwo t'nod yrroS

Nanakiyoda: Wow! I never knew that crazy insane driving was funny!

Tealraptor: I didn't think it was all that funny.

Nanakiyoda: Well you don't matter, the readers do so nah! (Sticks tongue out)

Tealraptor: Feh. Not what you said last night...wink wink

Nanakiyoda: Last night? What happ......!!!!!!! You Jerk!!!!!! (Pulls out of pocket a school bus and chases after)

BTW: Later that night at Kenshin's house

_What was Jou-chan thinking, trying to drink me under the table?_ Now the poor tanuki was drunk and was actually enjoying herself. Shame Kenshin wouldn't join in on the fun. If he had, I could have actually gotten a buzz. Can't blame Jou-chan for drinking though after the whole Misao going sugar crazy behind the wheel of a car. Now Misao was calm but she was still grinning evilly at Jou-chan. Curious, I pulled Misao to Kenshin's room, leaving Kenshin to hold Jou-chan's hair while she expelled some of her...haha, food chunks, to make more room for the sake.

"Hey Misao, what's with the grin?" I asked the weasel, shifting the fishbone in my mouth. She grinned even more, rubbing her hands together.

"Well, haha, you know how Kaoru and Kenshin like each other right?" She asked, stretching out the right. Yeah, it was pretty evident, but they'd never admit it to each other. Wait a second...Misao doesn't intend to...!!!

"Misao! Jou-chan will kill you if she finds out you're trying to set her up!!!" I said quickly. She grinned even more, although I thought it would be physically impossible by now.

"I won't be making her doing anything against her will...she might not even remember...heehee" She replied launching a series of evil laughs. I gulped, knowing full well Jou-chan was in for it. Then I sighed, glad that I wasn't on the receiving end of Misao's evil genius. She walked out and I followed her, curious of what she was up to. We walked into the living room, and saw that Kenshin was sitting oroing on the couch with Megumi holding onto him and Jou-chan was yelling at Kenshin who was all swirly-eyed.

"Kenshin!!!! How could you!!!!" Jou-chan yelled and punched right in the forehead. Yeowch! Even when she's drunk she has a hard right hook. Poor Kenshin, we all knew none of this was his fault.

"Hey Kaoru, oh buddy, oh pal of mine. How 'bout a little karaoke? We all would love to hear your lovely voice." Misao asked, putting on a begging face. Kaoru turned towards her and blushed, raising her hand to her head.

"Wha...Misao...well, okay. Only since you asked...hic." Jou-chan answered, blushing even more and adding a hiccup of drunkenness to it. Misao grinned and ran up to the machine to get Jou-chan started.

"Ohohohoh! The little tanuki is going to sing? I'll pick the perfect song!" Megumi laughed and jumped up running to Misao's side. _Does Jou-chan even know what she's getting into?_ I looked over at Kenshin to see what he thought. He was as confused as I was, maybe even more. I couldn't help but grin. _Poor Kenshin, He doesn't even know that he's involved in this._ Again, I reminded myself not to mess with Misao when she has the evil look on her face. I sat down on the couch to watch the disaster unfold.

"All ready!" Misao yelled cheerfully and handed Jou-chan the mic. Megumi stood up and walked to the door, locking it. Nobody seemed to notice this. Not even Kenshin. I grinned again, and then the music started.

"Uh...alright! Here goes nothing from the great and beautiful and talented Kaoru Kamiya!" Misao announced and did a weird pose with her feet spread apart firmly on the ground, her right arm back in a fist and her left arm facing us with her hand in a peace sign. She was grinning from ear to ear. Jou-chan was royally screwed. Megumi winked at me. She had set Jou-chan up with the perfect song. Kaoru sobered up a little, then took a deep breath in.

"I got my head but my head is unraveling cant keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling I got my heart but my heart's no good you're the only one that's understood…" Jou-chan belted out. It was The Perfect Drug by Nine inch Nails she was singing. _Funny, if Megumi picked it out, why hadn't she picked out something sleazy?_

"I come along but I don't know where you're taking me I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky the more I give to you the more I die" Jou-chan continued and started dancing. I couldn't help but grin. Kenshin's eyes were bulging out of his head. Misao had her back turned from Jou-chan, and was holding her sides, biting her knuckles to keep from laughing.

"And I want you…" Jou-chan said and walked over to Kenshin, who was sweating profusely. I clutched my own sides in a fit of laughter.

"You are the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug" Jou-chan sang and walked back to the 'stage'. Megumi had her hand up, covering her mouth, muttering 'oh my'. I was fighting back my laughter and losing.

"You make me hard when i'm all soft inside I see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed the arrow goes straight through my heart without you everything just falls apart" Jou-chan sang out seductively, glancing over her shoulder at Kenshin while her back was turned to us. _Jou-chan is definitely drunk. _I fell over, unable to stop my laughing. Kenshin was as red as his hair.

"And I want you you are the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug" Jou-chan chorused and started to feel tears well up in my eyes.

"My blood just wants to say hello to you my fear is warm to get inside of you my soul is so afraid to realize how every little bit is left of me" Jou-chan sang out and the started to turn red…_she's starting to realize what she's singing, that's so funny!_

"And I want you you are the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug" She sang again and by now was a deep red. Misao got up and motioned for Megumi and me to follow her out of the room. Kenshin had his face hidden, so I got up and walked out of the room.

"Take me with you without you everything just falls apart it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces" was the last I heard Jou-chan sing, do to that fact I was stumbling around in the hallway heading towards the kitchen due to the amount of laughter that had consumed me. Megumi and Misao were doing the same.

"I told you my plan would work!" Misao managed to choke out. I snorted

"Only because the little tanuki girl is drunk!" Megumi retorted and fell down laughing. I was fighting for air. _I'm gonna laugh myself to death!_

"She sobered up towards the end!" Misao said gasping for air.

"Clearly, Sake and karaoke and Kaoru don't mix…" I said and fell to floor laughing out as much I could until I had to get up and run to the bathroom.

OWARI

Nanakiyoda: Another masterpiece by the famous Nanakiyoda! (Repeats Misao's pose)

Tealraptor: Masterpiece? More like a disasterpiece! It wasn't even funny.

Nanakiyoda: Disasterpiece is such a great song by Slipknot, and what do you mean by it's not even funny?!

Tealraptor: It wasn't. What's with the bathroom thing any way?

Nanakiyoda: Sano laughed until he almost peed himself! Jerk!!! (Whacks him with school bus) Take that! Sheesh! I have yet to see you write one!

Tealraptor: Banzai chibbi chan churoo! (swirly-eyed)

BTW: Thanks to all reviewers. Though I doubt if this is even funnier. Boost my confidence and review away like there's no tomorrow then keep reviewing!

BTW: I don't own a damn thing so nah (sticks tongue out at disclaimer obsessed people)


	3. Revenge and Dogs and Megumi don't mix

Disclaimer: IOOMOC

Nanakiyoda: Booyah! Just finished moving and getting a job at mcdonalds...ugh! I'm smelling much like cheese burgers and am developing an intense desire to rip open jelly packets and eat them up viciously...

Terminally Zaek: Uh...work is never good.

Nanakiyoda: So? Dude! It's called car insurence! That and I got my temps...Booyah! (It was seven in the morning and I had to work at 10 and was very tired...so my picture looks like crap.)

I awoke from my position of sitting against the wall. Opening my eyes, I realized someone was sitting on my lap. Looking over to see who it was, I realized that it was Miss Kaoru who was in my lap. _Oh! Wait...that's right...Miss Kaoru was very drunk last night. Nothing happened though. She passed out seconds after Sanosuke, Misao and Megumi left. _

"Uhn...what...ow...my...head hurts...wait...KENSHIN YOU PERVERT! GET OFF ME!" Miss Kaoru awoke, complained and yelled at me, then proceeded to jump up and smack me.

"Seisha is sorry Miss Kaoru! Seisha did nothing! Miss Kaoru was very drunk last night!" I tried to apologize and explain. Her eyes searched my own to see if I was telling the truth. Content, she sighed.

"What happened?" She asked, defeated and regretting the fact she couldn't remember what happened. I stood up.

"Megumi got you to sing." I explained. Her jaw opened from shock. _She doesn't like singing..._

"What! Kenshin! Wait...what song was it?" She asked, anger creeping across her face. _Miss Kaoru isn't going to like this very much, that she won't..._

"Perfect drug by Nine inch nails..." I muttered out. Her eye started twitching violently and her face flushed to a deep red. _Oh no...I hope I don't recieve her temper this time again..._

"Kenshin Himura...why did she make me sing that song?" She asked, testing to see if I would admit why she would be embarassed.

"It was for you to...admit...that you..." I couldn't finish the rest, nor did I need to. It had dawned unto her face. Finally, her eye took up twitching even more violently, and she started to smile, madly. I started to shake.

"You said it was Megumi who did this right?" She asked, not intending to listen for an answer. Her eyes already showing her evil idea of revenge forming.

"Miss Kaoru, now calm down..." I tried to talk her out of it.

"Oh no Kenshin...hahaha...she is going to suffer...hahaha..." She laughed out maniacally. Before I could protest, she walked away, a smirk and fire set in her eyes. _Megumi has finally crossed the line..._ Curious, I decided to follow Miss Kaoru to make sure she didn't do anything that would get her thrown into jail...or prison. She had gone straight for the room Megumi was sleeping in. She walked in and grabbed something from the bedside table and walked back out of the room, still smiling, and walkedc by me without a word. I followed her into the kitchen. She grabbed one of the burritoes left on the table and shoved something into it, then walked to the dogcage.

"Miss Kaoru, I don't think you shoul-" I tried to protest again, but she gave Sanosuke's dog, Biiru, the burrito. Within one bite, the burrito was gone. Kaoru stood up and looked over to me.

"Before you ask...give it a few seconds..." She said. I looked at her confused. _What has she done?_

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY CELLPHONE HAS BEEN STOLEN!" A scream from down the hall rang out. I glanced back at Miss Kaoru and saw her hiding a chuckle. It suddenly dawned on me. _Megumi's favorite possesion is her cellphone. She doesn't go anywhere without it. Kaoru took her cell and put it into the burrito, which...Biiru has now devoured..._MissKaoru nodded her head and walked over to me, putting her finger over my mouth.

"Not one word." She confirmed and stepped back quickly. Megumi ran into the kitchen, Misao and Sanosuke walking behind her. They were still rubing their eyes from the sleep they were rudely awaken from.

"MY CELLPHONE IS GONE!" Megumi screamed out. I looked over to Miss Kaoru. She was still smiling, not even trying to fake any concern. Megumi stomped right over to her and glared her in the face.

"What is it Megumi? Is it stolen or is it gone?" Miss Kaoru asked her. Megumi stamped her foot into the ground.

"YOU TOOK IT DIDN'T YOU! i KNEW YOU WERE JEALOUS OF ME! NOW YOU'RE TAKING MY THINGS SO YOU CAN BE ME!" Megumi yelled at her, but Miss Kaoru kept right on smiling.

"You? Why would I want to be you? I think I'm doing just fine being myself. Yes, I took your cell, but not for that reason." Miss Kaoru admitted. Megumi's face flushed even more red than it had before, like she was about to kill Miss Kaoru.

"YOU BITCH! GIVE ME BACK MY CELL!" Megumi yelled out.

"Not even interested in why I did take it...pitiful, really." Miss Kaoru said, even though she was staring straight into the face of hell.

"Missy, just give her the phone..." Sanosuke begged. _He's wanting to go back to bed._

"After she made me do what I did last night?" Miss Kaoru asked him. He shook his head.

"It was wrong, but you shouldn't sink to her level. Besides, she wasn't the only one who set you up." Misao admitted. Miss Kaoru sighed.

"Fine...the thing is, I can't give it back...you see...I kin-" She started to say, but from inside the dogcage, a muffled version of Crazy in Love begin ringing out.

"MY CELL PHONE! SOMEONE'S CALLING ME!" Megumi yelled out and dived for the dog cage, throwing Biiru out, and rapidly searching the dog cage for her cellphone. Biiru barked at her, the ringtone buzzing out through its mouth. Megumi freezed and turned to the dog, a murderous glint in her eyes.

"Megumi...don't..." I began, but was cut off.

"You fed that flea bitten mutt my precious cellphone?" Megumi asked, not really asking, but confirming. Miss Kaoru smiled and nodded. Megumi stood up, and walked over to the sink, pulled a knife from it and started towards the dog.

"Don't You Dare Fox!" Sanosuke yelled and grabbed Megumi's arm. Kaoru stepped forward.

"Megumi, it is possible to get your phone out without hurting Biiru. Please, don't hurt Biiru because of what I did. Look, I'll get some ex-lax and we'll follow the dog around until the phone comes out." Kaoru said, now that she had returned to her normal self.

"Are you frickin kidding me! I'm not digging through dog shit for my phone! No way!" Megumi protested.

Hours later...

I watched as Megumi yelled at the dog, complained about the smell, and rummaged through the feces for her phone, which had rang about four times before Biiru let it out. Kaoru, feeling guilty, offered to get the phone, but Megumi yelled at her and did it herself. Misao and Sanosuke watched Megumi cautiously, making sure she didn't try anything funny, while laughing. Kaoru finally gave up and was now in the shower. _What a day it has been, but I don't think Megumi is going to let this slide with Kaoru...I should check on her...that I should...heehee._ I grinned and ran towards the bathroom, my bad side taking over. _I'll just get revenge for her..._

"KENSHIN! YOU PERVERT!"

OWARI

Nanakiyoda: Uh...wow. Well, you asked for it. Sorry if I seemed distant in the last part, but I've been blogging on Livejournal lately (samuraijeimi) and don't have much time to be on this computer...so, yeah. There will be another chapter, soon.


End file.
